Little Girl Hearts


Little girl hearts process things in little girl ways; and crushing pain and bitter disappointment can land in places we can’t even see.  As a little girl trying to process my father walking out on us, my heart made assumptions that I was not consciously aware of.  I never realized the false conclusions I had reached and how they impacted my outlook on life and my perception of God until far into my adult years.

The Word of God says that, “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).  Oh how true and marvelous this is!  The Father’s heart for us is to shine the light of His love and truth into every dark and hidden place within us so that we can embrace relationship with Him in the fullness of His love.  This is His mission for me and my purpose for the ChristianFreedom.Life blog – to be a truth teller.

The Lie

As a little girl, I used to pray quite frequently for God to bring my daddy back to us.  Over the course of time, my prayers shifted from asking for my father to return to praying for God to send me a new dad.  I didn’t dare ask for anything too grand.  I just wanted a simple man who would love my brother and I, love our mother and take good care of all of us.  Even at a young age I felt the lack of a covering over us that a father and husband is called to provide.  I longed for stability and safety of this paternal covering. Sadly, this longing was never satisfied.

Growing up as a child of the 1980’s, I grew in knowledge about God through our church attendance off and on throughout my pre-teen and adolescent years. I didn’t know how to reconcile my unanswered prayers with my perception of God.  Logically I knew what God’s Word, the Bible, said about His nature.  I heard messages preached about Him and Jesus and also heard a lot of prosperity preaching at the time as well.  I can’t say with certainty that the message was worded this way, but the conclusion I reached during this phase of my life was this:

If I was favored by God, things would go well for me.

I was unconsciously reaching a conclusion that if I had prayers that had gone unanswered and was experiencing suffering as a result of these unanswered prayers, then there must be something wrong with me.  I knew the problem couldn’t be with God. As such, I formed an incorrect view of the very nature and character of God and His heart for me.

I also believed that something was somehow wrong with me or my father wouldn’t have abandoned me to begin with.  I had been rejected by my earthy father, so my unanswered prayers to my Heavenly Father were perceived as rejection as well.  If God loved and approved of me He would not allow me to suffer.  

This lie colored my entire relationship with God.

Like a pendulum, through the years I swung back and forth between seeking a personal relationship with God with a pervading sense of not quite measuring up, to pulling away in frustration, fear and ultimately defeat.  The lies and fear of intimacy with God eventually led me into a place of complete brokenness.

As I’ve shared my journey with others, I have been shocked at how pervasive this lie is.   So many people have believed the lie from satan that states, “if God is allowing suffering in my life, I must be doing something wrong.  I must be unapproved in His eyes.”

Let me clearly say that this is not what the Word of God says about suffering. God never promises us that we will not suffer and although He did at times allow the Israelites to experience suffering as a consequence of their willful disobedience, we would be wrong in reaching the conclusion that all suffering is a punishment and that we are being rejected by God if we are experiencing suffering.

Unraveling the Lie

I can think of no person in the Bible who is spoken of with such glowing terms as Mary, the mother of Jesus, yet the Word clearly shows us that the woman God chose to birth and raise His son was not spared suffering.

One might assume that God would make everything go easy for Mary.  If you believed a lot of the prosperity gospel being promoted, Mary should have been living in a palace being fanned by servants; yet when we study the Word of God, it is clear that Mary’s reality was far different.

It could not have been easy to walk out being an unwed mother whose own husband to be, Joseph, considered breaking his marriage contract quietly.  She certainly would have suffered as she had to experience having no room in any inn and ultimately having to give birth on a stable floor.

Can you imagine how her heart ached as she heard of the untold children murdered in the quest to take out her son, God’s chosen Messiah? Certainly, fleeing to Egypt to hide from a powerful, murderous king bent on destroying her child would have been a tremendous hardship.

We know that the years leading up to the public ministry of Jesus were not without their trials.  We don’t know those details, but we know that by the time Jesus turned water into wine, Mary had to experience the death of her beloved husband Joseph.

As a mother, I cannot even begin to imagine the suffering of watching Jesus beaten and hanging unrecognizable as a human being on the cross. He was so horribly disfigured.  Her heart must have been breaking into pieces as she watched her son suffer unspeakably, yet she remained steadfast by His side until He breathed His last shuddering breath.

She could have run from the suffering but she chose to face it head on.

Mary could not be spared her suffering, nor would Jesus be spared His.  By all accounts Mary was “full of grace, blessed and highly favored” and Jesus was righteousness personified.

They both suffered greatly and I can state with absolute certainty that God loved them both tremendously and found them both approved in His eyes.

Let this sink in for a minute.  Now think about your own life and beliefs that have formed in the midst of your unanswered prayers and suffering.  Have you believed the same lie I and so many others have believed?  If so, my prayer is that even as you have been reading this post, God has been shattering this lie and shining His light of truth on you.

I don’t have the answers for why all of our prayers don’t get answered with a resounding “yes.”  I do KNOW that God does love me and He loves YOU as well.  I know that such a loving God is strengthening and equipping us in the midst of our trials and that His heart hurts when our hearts hurt.  I know this because as a parent, I know the love of a parent and how a parent’s heart suffers when our children suffer. I know that He will heal every wounded place within us if we will give Him those places, and one day when we are in Heaven with Him He will wipe every tear away with the tenderness of the loving Father He is.

This is TRUTH and may truth always shatter every lie hiding in our heart!

Our Prayer


Father God, help me to understand who You really are and how You truly see me, your child.  Forgive me for doubting your love and please heal any rift between us.  I cannot heal myself and I cannot find all of the hidden lies, but you are my healer and Love and Truth personified.  I’m asking for full relationship and fellowship with you as you desire for me.

In Jesus’s name! Amen

Scriptures for Meditation


Luke 1:26-38 (NIV)

The Birth of Jesus Foretold

26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

34 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[a] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”

38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

John 14:6-7The Message (MSG)

6-7 Jesus said, “I am the Road, also the Truth, also the Life. No one gets to the Father apart from me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him. You’ve even seen him!”

John 14:15-21 (MSG)

The Spirit of Truth

15-17 “If you love me, show it by doing what I’ve told you. I will talk to the Father, and he’ll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can’t take him in because it doesn’t have eyes to see him, doesn’t know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you!

18-20 “I will not leave you orphaned. I’m coming back. In just a little while the world will no longer see me, but you’re going to see me because I am alive and you’re about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I’m in my Father, and you’re in me, and I’m in you.

21 “The person who knows my commandments and keeps them, that’s who loves me. And the person who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and make myself plain to him.”