I’m convinced that we remember things for a reason. Our memories serve as road markers on our spiritual journey. When I reflect back on certain memories, I can see that God allowed me to remember these mile markers because they are significant points on my journey with Him. As memories surface, He desires to reveal and heal. Often these memories are very significant. They can be happy; they can be sad. They can be incredibly painful at times.
My natural tendency has been to bury all of the “bad and sad” memories in my efforts to look forward and not stay stuck in the past. I’ve seen people so stuck in the past that they relive these moments over and over, a tool the enemy uses to torment them. There is sound logic in not staying stuck in the past, but there comes a time where God wants us to deal with those “bad and sad” memories from our past. This has been my year for resurfacing and dealing with these memories.
Left untended, emotional wounds fester in our hearts like a splinter. We may think, “better to leave the splinter in my heart and numb my heart to the pain than face the potentially worse pain of picking at that thing and waking up all of the sensations around the splinter.” The process of getting it out may seem very scary to us. Unfortunately, the more we numb ourselves to pain, the more we also numb ourselves to joy. Those unattended splinters in my heart caused me more long term hurt then the initial wounds ever did. Many of those splinters festered in there for years.
I reached a place in my journey with Jesus where I could see that my heart was hardened and so numbed to pain that I wasn’t feeling much of anything good or bad. I decided that walking around feeling numb and dead inside was worse then allowing myself to feel pain. Any kind of feeling had to be better then complete numbness. I had committed myself to loving others, being kind, etc., but I wanted to FEEL! I wanted to rejoice. I wanted to cry for the lost. I wanted my heart to beat with the love of Christ and break for what causes His heart to break.
Freedom Through Surrender
Little did I know that as I prayed these prayers it would start a chain reaction of God bringing things to the surface so that He could in turn heal them. Praise God for a dear friend He placed in my life. As I would find myself discussing my past as we often do with new friends, she was picking up on all kinds of clues for areas I needed inner healing.
She was so sensitive to the Holy Spirit that she began to hone in with me on these areas and we would go to the throne room to ask for forgiveness of inner vows I had made. She would walk me through prayers for forgiveness of those who had deeply wounded me. I began to see just how much the enemy had kept me bound by these wounds and vows I had made in my vain attempts to protect myself. The Lord began to reveal area after area where I wasn’t trusting God and showed me how the enemy had come in over the years and imprisoned me in each of these areas of my life mainly due to my fears.
You see, as we are wounded and try to put up walls to self protect, these walls become the bars of our own personal, self-created prisons. The Word of God speaks very clearly on the results of self-protection and self-sufficiency. If Satan can convince us that our way is better, we will step out from the covering God offers us and into the torment of self-sufficiency. Jesus came to set us free from this torment (Isaiah 50:10-11). However, the freedom He offers only comes through our surrender. We can’t have it both ways – holding onto our self-sufficiency and receiving His freedom.
Recognizing Inner Vows
Our memories are the road signs to our prisons. As God brings these memories to the surface we can pray and ask Him to show us where we need to repent. Chances are very high that where you are harboring a painful memory, one that may have caused you to make inner vows. What kind of inner vows you might ask? These vows may sound something like this: “I will never let anyone hurt me again.”
What does that inner vow do? It locks us up in prison. It gives Satan the legal right to imprison us in an area. Now after we’ve made this vow, we’ve made ourselves Lord of our life in this area. We have said I will never. Let’s focus in on the word I.
We are saying I, not God. Essentially, we are making ourselves Lord of our own life.
No amount of will or determination on my part was going to get me out of that prison on my end. I had to submit to God with humility and respect and ask forgiveness for my arrogance and humbly ask Him to set me free. This is what we all have to see. WE CANNOT SET OURSELVES FREE FROM OUR OWN PRISONS. However, I can tell you from personal experience, He WILL set you free because He did it for me!
Prayer for Freedom from Inner Vows
by Jan Hicks, Founder & President of Christians United Ministries
Heavenly Father,
In the name of The Lord Jesus Christ, and as an act of my free will, I confess, repent, renounce, break, destroy, shatter, cut off and dissolve the power of involvement in the vow of ___________ (specific name of vow) that I personally have made in my life. I renounce this for myself and all my generations, clear back to Adam and in all my future generations.
I ask You, Lord, to forgive me and all my family members and all past generations for involvement in this vow ___________. I release myself from the stronghold of any guilt or shame connected to this vow.
By the power of the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I cancel all of Satan’s power and authority over me because of this vow. I command all the tormentors that have been assigned to me because of the vow of ___________ to leave me now and never return.
Heavenly Father, I ask you to place the cross between me and the affects of this vow, that today, this stops at the cross.
Holy Spirit, I invite You into my heart to heal me of the pain and to speak Your words of truth into me.
Amen
Verses for Meditation
~ Isaiah 50:10-11
10 Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on their God.
11 But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.
~ John 8:36
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
~ Luke 4:18-19
“The Spirit of the Lord is on Me, because He has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim deliverance to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
He so does! I love how Jesus loves us! He is so faithful….
Amen!
Thank you for sharing this! This year has been very hard for me. I have been dealing with anxiety and depression. I lost my daddy years ago to cancer and I have since then created a prison of making sure I eat right to the point it imprisons me. I’ve been having anxiety attacks and so scared of getting sick and thinking the worst is yet to come. I rely on me and my health and if something goes wrong, my whole world is distraught. The enemy is stealing my joy and has me paralyzed in fear with my health. It’s scary to go through and each doctor visit scares me, but I loved how to you said that if God is revealing it, then He wants to heal it. Thank you for sharing this! God bless you and your journey ?
I’m so glad that God has led you to a place where you can hear His message of freedom! You do not have to live bound up by anxiety and depression. Jesus came to break every yoke that binds us and set us free from every hurt and pain and all sickness whether it be physical, spiritual or emotional. I’m in the process of reading an amazing book that I think will be perfect for you! You need to either order or pick up the Breaker Anointing by Barbara Yoder! It is powerful! Also, God is faithful to heal and deliver you from this prison of fear that has had you in its grip all these years. The enemy speaks lies to us through trauma that leads us into these places. Start by praying and asking God to set you free from fear. In my journey I have learned to repent to God for the lies I believed as He has revealed them to me. Please feel free to email me. I encourage you to seek out a local church to partner with you in prayer over these areas as God reveals. I believe God will direct you to an excellent prayer partner just as He did for me! God bless you on your journey and may He break every chain that holds you back.