I used to think that bondage meant things like drug addiction, pornography, etc.  I was totally blind to the fact that I as a Christian was blind, deaf and bound in so many areas of my life.  We can be bound by things such as perfectionism, false responsibility, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, unforgiveness, fear, conformity and more.  Jesus came to set us free from every bondage…even the bondage of religion.  Where there is a feeling of torment, there is a bondage.  He brought the amazing gift of grace.  There is a lot packed into this post.  Take the time to study these scriptures.  Pray about what Holy Spirit wants to do in your heart.  The video is long but very anointed.  You do not want to miss what Jason Upton speaks about.  May God bless you and set you free in every area of your life.

The Prison of the Vow

As a child I made an inner vow.  When my daddy broke a promise to call I was bitterly disappointed and I vowed never to let anyone hurt me like that again.  In that moment, I felt the pain subside and a strange numbness take over.  When I made this vow I didn’t realize it, but I gave Satan access to my heart.  My heart became hardened by my own vow.  Over the years I came to realize that I had a pattern of either numbing my heart or hardening my heart to “protect” myself from feeling pain.

Over time I began to feel a frustration towards the diminished feeling in my heart, but didn’t know how to fix the problem.  For example, I began to see that I couldn’t properly grieve when people I cared about died.  The pain would get trapped inside, locked up with no way out and the numbness just continued to grow deeper and deeper.  I eventually realized that I wasn’t feeling that much of the good stuff either.  Anesthesia has a way of doing that – the Novocaine may block the pain of the filling when we have dental work but it also causes us to not feel the good stuff too.  Have you ever used Ora-gel?  It will cause you to lose even the enjoyment of delicious food because it’s anesthetized your taste buds.  This is what had happened to me.  Life just wasn’t tasting very good. Everything was just becoming bland and numb.

Repentance of the Vow

That inner vow of, “I will never let anyone hurt me again” had to be repented of.  A dear friend of mine walked me through prayer in this area.  It’s not enough to see something you’ve done and then determine in your mind to change.  When we do this, we are still being Lord of our own life in this area.  We have to repent of what we did that got us in this mess to begin with.  We have to say “forgive me God for making myself Lord of my life in this area.  I was wrong to do this.  I was deceived.  Please forgive me and set me free in this area.  Please set my heart and my emotions free.

Going to the Courtroom

There is a throne room and a courtroom in heaven.  We are going before God, the supreme ruler of the universe and asking Him to release us from the sentence of a spiritual law that has been set into action by our inner vow.

If a person was in prison and figured out what they did wrong and what got them in prison to begin with, it would not be enough to just know this fact.  They would need someone with legal authority and ability to arrive with the key and unlock the prison door to release them. 

They would be powerless to do it themselves.  This is us.  We have lost sight of this in our society where we are all taught we can do anything we set our mind to.

No amount of will or determination on my part was going to get me out of that prison on my end.  I had to submit to God with humility and respect and ask forgiveness for my arrogance and humbly ask Him to set me free.  This is what we all have to see.   We cannot set ourselves free from our own prisons.

An Ongoing Healing

When I walked through this prayer with my friend I didn’t experience an immediate unblocking of my emotions.  Reflecting back on this process, I’m struck by how similar it was to the way feeling returns after a spinal block or even Novocaine.  The feeling doesn’t immediately return after the block or novacaine is removed.  The flood of feelings returning to me has happened in a similar process.  It’s been a type of thawing out if you will.  As God has worked His healing Balm of Gilead into my heart, day by day my heart grows softer.  It had become so calloused and numbed that it’s as if the softening and feeling have been returning layer by layer.

 If you pray over an area and don’t immediately feel fireworks and goosebumps or sob uncontrollably, do not be deceived into thinking God didn’t do anything.  That is a lie Satan wants you to believe!

As I’ve prayed for God to break my heart for what breaks His, I have found my heart breaking at times for unexpected things.  That heartbreak process has led me into a season of deep inner healing.  There have been a lot of tears.  At first I would feel the tears coming and feel myself attempting to push the tears back down, but the Holy Spirit would stop me and in his sweet gentle voice whisper, “No beloved. Let them come.  You don’t have to be strong anymore.”  That whisper would melt me and as the tears flowed in the midst of the hurt there would be rejoicing because I realized that there is a good kind of pain, a healing in the pain.

My Prayer for Others

As you read this I pray that if you have made any inner vows the Holy Spirit will reveal them to you, so that you can be healed and walk in the total freedom that God has called you to walk in.  You can pray and repent before God of the inner vow and experience an unlocking in an area of your life where you were bound.  You can surrender control of any area you have been holding on to and experience the freedom of releasing that lordship back over to Jesus Christ the Lord and savior of your life. Know that you can finally find rest for your weary soul in this area.  May you walk in the grace and freedom that Jesus has for you!

Verses for Meditation

~ Isaiah 42:22

But this is a people plundered and looted,
    all of them trapped in pits
    or hidden away in prisons.
They have become plunder,
    with no one to rescue them;
they have been made loot,
    with no one to say, “Send them back.”

~ Isaiah 43:1

But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

~ Isaiah 43:8-13 (Heaven’s Court Proceedings)

Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
    who have ears but are deaf.
All the nations gather together
    and the peoples assemble.
Which of their gods foretold this
    and proclaimed to us the former things?
Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,
    so that others may hear and say, “It is true.”
10 “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord,
    “and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
    and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
    nor will there be one after me.
11 I, even I, am the Lord,
    and apart from me there is no savior.
12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
    I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God.
13     Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
    When I act, who can reverse it?”

~ Isaiah 43:26-28

26 Review the past for me,
    let us argue the matter together;
    state the case for your innocence.
27 Your first father sinned;
    those I sent to teach you rebelled against me.
28 So I disgraced the dignitaries of your temple;
    I consigned Jacob to destruction[a]
    and Israel to scorn.

~ Isaiah 49:9-11

to say to the captives, ‘Come out,’
    and to those in darkness, ‘Be free!’

“They will feed beside the roads
    and find pasture on every barren hill.
10 They will neither hunger nor thirst,
    nor will the desert heat or the sun beat down on them.
He who has compassion on them will guide them
    and lead them beside springs of water.
11 I will turn all my mountains into roads,
    and my highways will be raised up.